I hate to admit it – or think about it, or even accept it – but I need to get dentures. I won’t describe my teeth, except to say that apparently, evolution decided that once I reached my late 50s, I wasn’t supposed to need them anymore, and so over the past 10 years, they have slowly betrayed me despite my aggressive regimen of oral hygiene. I think the most important goal of DNA research should be to develop a gene that regrows teeth. Practically all the cells in the body are replaced every seven years, so why not the gnashers? Others of other maladies might disagree, but it’s what I’m focused on for now.
It seems doctors in Florida assume everyone here is rich, or at least we have full medical and dental insurance. Not true by a longshot. I suspect the majority of elderly survive only on their Social Security, and while there are avenues of medical financial support, the only inclusive dental plan I could find allows for just one tooth extraction a year. (If you know of other, better plans, let me know!)
A year ago in January, I had a molar removed at Just Pull It, and it cost $180. Last month I had two more molars yanked at the same place and it cost $250 each, up $70 per tooth. Also last year, I had appointments with two other dentists and found that a set of full upper and lower dentures with plastic teeth cost $4,447, (there is, or used to be, dentures with porcelain teeth), and having my remaining 24 teeth removed would cost $9,000, $360 each, regardless of what tooth it is. Well, that’s absurd. Little bitty lower front teeth shouldn’t cost the same as big ol’ molars. And I’m afraid to research how much both would cost this year.
The chance I’ll live long enough to receive back all that I paid to Social Security is slim, so I think that agency should pay for full dental care, without subtracting from my meager monthly allotment. If I need dentures, it should be free to me. But that cost must not be regulated by the dentists themselves. No, no. I suggest that extractions are no more than $50 a root. That’s $50 per front tooth, $100 per premolar, and $150 per molar. (Yes, some molars have four roots, but usually two have fused together into one.) That would cost $1,800 for the 22 remaining teeth I have that are in various stages of shambles. Still pretty steep, but much, much better than $9,000 or more. In fact, I insist that there should be a discount for mass extractions, let’s say ten percent at least, so that only $1,620 would be subtracted from my governmental “savings account.”
As to the title of this rant, while dentists are expected to follow a version of the Hippocratic oath, they are not required to recite it. I demand that all practitioners of doctoral healthcare must swear with raised hand to follow the same pledge. But I believe there must be a change: the beginning should be, “First, do no financial harm.”
